On Friday August 25, 2017 between the hours of 3-6am PST, Taylor Alison Swift died a tragic death.
The official cause of death has yet to be confirmed, but there have been allegations floating around pointing fingers at possible murder suspects, Kanye West, Katy Perry. Swift had been absent from social media (aka the world) the week leading up to her death. The tragedy was announced by someone who answered a phone call looking like Swift and sounding like Swift, but in no way acting like Swift. She was taken into custody and when interrogated about the alleged murder this Swift look-a-like responded, “I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.”
After police searched Swift’s house, there was evidence later confirmed by Medical Examiner Dr. Dre that her cause of death was too much beef. Swift had been involved in some petty rivalries over the years leading up to her death that apparently caused her to consume an intolerable amount of beef. If Katy was hoping for an apology, or Kanye was hoping to amp up publicist game, it seems the chances of those happening are as dead as the old Taylor.
Who’s to say what this new resurrected Taylor will bring to the table? Hopefully it will be some decent music and a little less carnivorous tendency. It’s safe to say I’ll be having the vegetarian entree from now on.
RIP old Taylor.